coming back

after bathing in the south facing bay window, then being put outside and blasted by cold winds these past weeks, my veggies are now beginning to be bathed in some sunshine and coming back to their former glory.  It certainly hasn’t been a very good start to the growing season, totally unlike last year !

 

 

 

wedding day

I could not let today pass without recalling  it was my wedding,  way  back in 1969.  It was so hot, I remember it so clearly. sunny, my lovely mum, whom I miss very much, there fussing around me, making sure I had something blue and borrowed,  my huge hair pierced with fresh white daisies, the blue cornflowers in a simple posy.  My white crepe trouser suit from John Stephen and my white patent shoes !   Worried the life out of my mum, I remember the look on her face after returning from a trip to London to buy a wedding dress , ha ha! she was totally horrified that I would be married in trousers  and rang to ask the vicar if that would be ok. How things have changed   Guess this was laying some kind of ground rules about how I would live my adult life, something about wearing the trousers !!

My mum died in 1992 and Bruce died in 2o10.  Me I am going strong !! and if you read the poem below, I believe that the ragged red flag is flying high now !

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A poem for my mum

When I say, ‘My mother has died’, 
I mean my ‘most beloved’. 
Leave me to myself now, 
for I am a ship who’s
 lost her riggings;
 suddenly 
come unmoored.

My mother has died;
 She has earned her rest now,
 waiting only, and proudly so, 
for her sails 
to be taken down.

I, the daughter,
 see to the mending of my mother’s sails;
I seek her 
worn and broken 
threads of light, 
reweaving her dazzling linen.

And though there be broken threads 
not able to be re-woven, 
I will gently pull the edges together 
and stitch one side to the other…
and if not able to be mended, 
then I will patch with parts 
from my own most earnest life
 over the places where my mother’s life 
was worn through,
. . . or never was.

Over time, the sails of the mothership 
will be fitted to the daughtership;
 raised up on the mainsail, 
and the final touch -
the red ragged flag – hers -
will be flying topmast of my ship.

I’ll be let down into the waters then, 
I, the daughter, will glide again…
but this time, under the best sails
 inherited from my mother…
and all the mothers of the motherliness 
before her.

Ay, Mother, let me tell you 
my treasured dearie-dear,
 one last thing I have learned 
from your spirit passing through me
as sparkling shadow passes 
through darkening shadow,
on this open night-sea journey…

I am learning to navigate
by the mysteries of the farthest stars -
the ones that the great wake of your passing 
has revealed to me
 for the very first time.

Clarissa Pinkola Estes

 

 

Food, when is enough, enough !

Touchy subject this, eating to you feel full and then stopping.  I haven’t spoken about my eating habits here, but as I am kind of an “abundant” person in all areas of my life, one can imagine my eating style was abundant too.

For various reasons, the uppermost being a painful knee, on Jan 5 decided I couldn’t take it anymore and went on a VLC eating regime.  For 4 months I had 600 calories a day and lost a large amount of body weight.  Knee pain gone, the the most important thing and quite fundamental,  is that I learnt about my relationship with food.  A real eyeopener

Eat too much !  nothing between meals, but as I adore cooking and love middle eastern food, mezze style, being a creative I eat with my eyes too, so colourful combinations a must !!   The portion control was way out, cooking a variety of dishes, a bit of this and a bit of that style  and I just did not know when I was full.  I knew when I felt uncomfortable ( almost to the point where I could not consume anymore)  then I knew I needed to stop, but this was far too late,  then realised I was pushing it all down  because I was stuffing enough to last me through to the next meal.

With the help of a dear friend we identified this phrase “just in case”  which looms up not only in eating, but shopping, food shopping, in fact any purchases I need to make.  Since then I have been using the phrase “just enough” and over these past months this has really embedded itself.  My spending has gone right down, my relationship with food is more balanced and although I still love to see wonderful food combinations and try different combinations I realised eating is one of many pleasures and are now equal footing with getting out in the open air, walking, swimming and soon getting back to yoga.

Holidaying recently I slipped a little, but you know what, that’s ok……….  everything in moderation : )   found a wonderful taverna at Agia Jerousalem, Kefalonia.  Odysseas Taverna, a wonderful host, great food cooked by Mama, vine covered terraces and right by the beach.  Happy memories

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The Year of the Flood

atwood_flood_uk_pbWho would believe I  am immersed in a book, a book of fiction!  unheard of for many a year.  Books I read are always non-fiction, factual, history, spiritual, philosophy, biographies.  I believe that nothing happens by chance, so padding across the floor in my villa, dripping wet from a dip in the pool, I noticed a large basket full of books and felt drawn to look, the first book I plucked out looked interesting, THE YEAR OF THE FLOOD by Margaret Atwood.   Immediate thoughts were read it, just sit back down in the sunshine and start reading, So I did.

I am just over half way, I can’t say its a book I cannot put down, or that its scintillating, but it is quite mesmerizing, not really science fiction, I would have put it down immediately, but its more a about a speculative view of what our would could become. How the corporations are hellbent in destroying everything I hold dear in my life.   Like Jeanette Winterson’s review says “it’s not prophecy, but is eerily possible.

Being a lover of nature and growing veg, Gods Gardeners, their views, ceremonies and ethos resonates in some way, it is drawing me in, I am reading this for a reason, sure there is a gift here, it will come to me, with less than half still read, I am intrigued as to why this book turned up for me right now.  Could be its going to tell me this is why you don’t read non-fiction so you were on the right track all the time !!  who knows