colourful day
March 6, 2011
vintage fare, mexican embroidery, todays find………… where will this end up? not sure, buying lots of colourful things lately, could be destined to be upholstered in the back of french chair? or just a humble cushion, but wherever it ends up in my home, I know it will bring a big smile every time i see it……….
Oh and also some vintage adverts for Schiaperelli’s perfume Shocking by Marcel Vertes, now these are for my bedroom , this is for sure
All in a days work and ramblings of a tired woman
March 3, 2011
today has been long, cold and very stimulating. Drove to Leamington Spa for a site meeting, we are going to be transforming this space into something quite spectacular. But sitting there with reams of plans, it got colder and colder until my hands were like ice and my limbs felt stiff. All good stuff though and a very positive outcome.
Three and half hours drive their, three back, a long while to assimilate all the information, it has to somehow mould together in a coherant vision, then and only then does if filter through into the virtual reality that sits in my brain……………..
also I have been thinking of Easter, wouldn’t it be nice to go away, although I am going to Malta on the 17th to carry out a workshop and Chartres Cathedral with friends a bit later, I fancy a cottage by the sea or in a landscape to walk in the wilds of nature.
The other thing that has been in my thoughts is my Aunt, she is 82, I love her dearly, she such a wicked sense of humour, but she is in hospital after and epileptic fit and to see her in hospital makes me feel very sad and angry. Angry because they treat the elderly with no dignity whatsoever. I am appalled by the fact that young male nurses take my aunt to the toilet and wipe her bum, , they give her a blanket bath and wash her all over, and I mean all over. How can they think this is acceptable for an elderly lady. How absolutely embarrassing for her. I was totally shocked, just did not realise this was common practice in hospitals now. Her eyes used to sparkle and gleam with vitality, her quick wit and sardonic smile always bought out the devil in me and we would laugh together….. its all gone now, the sparkle has been turned off and the quick wit is now tainted with anger and frustration.
Oh and of course Saturday morning I am to my dear friend Tim’s’ funeral. I so want to be there to say goodbye to such a lovely warm man.
I am shattered. sweet dreams to me, its been a long day x
Losing it?
February 27, 2011
Well, thats if you had it in the first place? What did she lose, when did she lose it? Seems to me she has actually found something or is beginning to find, her true self. Ruby Wax, a lady who back in the day was an all singing all dancing, full on confrontational interviewer of the rich and famous.
I have just watched her performance at the Chocolate Factory (http://www.menierchocolatefactory.com/ruby_wax_losing_it) She still portrays that full on human dynamo, her quick wit to the fore as she charts the effects of a crippling depression that took ahold of her at the peak of her success. She admits this “depression” has been with her all her life and openly talks about her troubled childhood and how as a teenager not ever fitting into the mould of the blond and beautiful, tall with long “swishy” hair, she decided the only way to compete with them was to be FAMOUS. How her strong will propelled her into stardom, and once that first hit of success coursed through her veins, how she wanted more and more, and the only way to fend of any glimpses of insecurities she kept “busy, busy, busy”. Envy and Anger consumed her and controlled her, seems she could never stop, she ran so hard she totally ignored the signs of the downfall that was building up. Then snap, it happened and instead of running she sunk into a crippling “depression” where all she wanted to do was stay in bed with thoughts of wanting to end it all. Since that first “drop” into the abyss she has had several stays at the PRIORY, lucky for her I thought; each time gaining more understanding and inisght into the real Ruby beneath the mask, the Ruby who is rumoured to have Bi Polar but who when asked said no, she talks about being mentally ill? she also talks of medication and how she believes she will be taking this permanantly for the rest of her life………………….. and this is depression?
Is it possible that Ruby is actually describing a “personality disorder” a disorder that will be with her for life and that her delving into Mindfullness and John Kabat Zinn is helping her to find her centre and remain grounded and that the depression is a sympton of the disorder?
Is the stigma she openly talks about so severe that she cant associate with with the dirty word PD? I take my hat off to her for trying to raise the stigma of mental health sufferers who she says 1 in 4 now suffer from, but the sector of our mental health system here in the UK that gets the worst deal of all is personality disorder, for some they dont even get diagnosis at all because of the outmoded beliefs of “professionals” who holds the person as untreatable, or they are purposely given the diagnosis of Bi polar or some other “more accceptable” term, so they can be medicated and seen to be helped but of course being medicated just dulls the senses, disconnects the person from their true feelings. Feelings that would allow them, with help and the correct support, to understand and find ways of coping with them.
Seen as waste of space and a drain on the mental health system and treated with total disdain, many commit suicide. its inhumane and a disgrace that the professioanls one turns to for help actually does not believe a word you are saying.
She describes the “walking dead” if ever there was a descripton of PD then this is it, to me you cannot talk about mental health without talking openly about the dirty word PD. Funny really, she talks about how in the past you couldnt talk about being gay, then the C word, cancer could never be spoken. Its the same for PD , this is the big elephant in the room that she is totally ignoring, come on Ruby get real !!!
a clean sheet, not quite yet
December 29, 2010
the excitement is building, not long now until the brand spanking new year…….. I so love this time, a time to start again,its like writing on the first new page of an excercise book when I was at school. Pristine clean, new pen dipped in just the right amount of ink and writing the first word, such a wonderful feeling. I have started writing about all the things I want to do, visit, see, experience, create…………… Cant wait, feel so full of optimism………. just off for another visit to the sea, even though misty I just have to see it, its become a real friend.
this image started life in my bread bin !!, I don’t buy bread in general, but now and again I fancy some nice dark rye pumpernickel, which is fairly moist. Well I must have forgotten about it totally and when I looked in there at the “zip up” plastic bag in comes in all I could see was what looked like a clump of yellow felt. It was a mould of some sort, white and yellow, not the usual grey green colour, when I looked it up it was some kind of mould that penicillin is made off ! Just had to photograph this……….. I then layered at cut and pasted the image together to form a pattern………………….
The passing of another day, another life
December 25, 2010
Its been awhile since I posted, in fact it was in the early hours of December 8th. the day a very close and dear freind, my ex husband died, It was to be only a few hours before I received a call to say to get to the hospital straight away, his vital signs were dropping. We were with him to the end. The funeral was yesterday, such a beautiful service where my children and I paid tribute to him in the best way we knew how, and that was to reflect his big laugh, his ability to tell a wonderful story and his very engaging personality.
Although we had gone our separate ways some while ago, whatever it was that connected us all those years ago when I met him at 16, it was still there at the end, guess its true, that love never dies. Living with Bruce was an amazing roller coaster ride, when the ups were up they flew into the cosmos, when they were down, it plummeted to amazing depths. Life is more stable now but I am trying to remember all the good times of our earlier life together and the more recent times. It was only a few short weeks ago we were sitting in the early winter sunshine sharing a coffee and a sandwich and chatting about old times, it bought a smile to both our faces and we laughed together. Death is so final, it was such a shock and so quick that I am still coming to terms with it.
Watching this incredible sunset last night I realised how beautiful an ending can be, for in a few short hours the sun will rise again, Bruce will rise again on the next part of his journey, I like to think he is travelling back into the cosmos, his souls purpose now over on this earth and he will shine down on us, a beautiful star in the heavens
Rest in Peace dear Brucie
tangled thoughts
December 8, 2010
Not been a good week so far, my head is reeling with so many thoughts, they are all tangled together………… work stuff, designing, grief, deadlines, children, hospital, ex husband, sadness, they are all in there pulsating and swirling around, my head feels like its going to explode. Quiet my mind, sit with the thoughts and accept them……………. one by one just let them go, let them pass through and accept what is………….. I am trying
This image I drew somewhile ago seems to conjour up this feeling.
Pencil sketch digitally layered
Burdoned
November 30, 2010
In my bedroom stands this large bronze statue of “the archer”. He is so graceful, long lean limbs, muscles taught as he draws back his bow. However, over the past years he has become laden with all my necklaces, bracelets and an assortment of jewellery until he has become totally burdened with them all. Only his head now can just be seen. Reminds me of how I felt a few months back, burdened by all my possessions. Bit by bit I have been selling things off, not much left now, a few straggling pieces that are just here untill I have sorted the last pieces. Then what? I am interior designer you would think I would be on the ball and getting to grips with making it home again, but something is liking this emptiness….. watch this space.
Think its time I unburdened this poor man though, must think of a way to use all the jewels and beads in a creative way rather than taking to charity store……… must be able to make something, anybody out there have any good ideas ?
Mmmm bed
November 14, 2010
Its been a long while since I posted, been away and been very preoccupied with a new project at work
However, right now Bed beckons, not for sleep but for reading, writing, making notes, sketches. This is the hub of lot of activity on the creative front, its the place where I think, where my ideas come to me and and get recorded for use in futher projects.
Its also a place of great comfort, a nurturing space to get into at the end of the day………….. tomorrow is a new week, how exciting.
nothing can beat this
September 17, 2010
Time for a beak, sitting in front of the computer all day, more and more I seem to sit here for days on end. A welcome break was required and a welcome cup of tea and accompanying biscuit, cant be beaten, especially if the biscuit is a McVities Digestive.
I heard from the horses mouth that McVitie, although they make digestives for many own brand companies, they do not use their “secret” recipe for anyone else but themselves. No wonder any other make seems inferior……… and they have been making them since the late 1800′s! When I took this image with my iphone yesterday I hadnt actually eaten a biscuit in a long, long time. I had totally forgotten just how delicious digestives are, there perfect sweetness, not to sugary and sickly, their crumbly textture, no wonder they are a no.1 best selling biscuit. Of course they make a chocolate covered version, introduced in the 1920′s, and I love chocolate but for me the unadorned plain round disc’s golden hue wins everytime
Remains of the Day
September 12, 2010
Bright sunny morning, Sunday and a day with no schedule, bliss……….. just me and breakfast, two fabulously juicy oranges, yummy. Thought I would dry the peel to use to infuse future cups of tea. Adding some dried peel to a pot of brewing tea leaves gives it a really refreshing flavour.
So arranging them on a plate to dry in the sun they seemed to form a shape, low and behold a lobster !! Not sure where that came from, although yesterday I finished reading about Isobella Blow and Phillip Treacy’s amazing hats, issie wore a lobster hat!!
Hungry or thirsty?
August 8, 2010
Mmm, sunday morning, relaxing as usual and thinking of breakfast…….. or should I say lunch or brunch or just a nice milky coffee. Decisions, decisions, wish they were alway this simple. Actually making a decision is really simple, its the framework within which we place the decision that determines if it’s going to be difficult or not. If we think its going to be difficult, then it is, if we go with our gut instinct, our intuiiton its really simple. Have you ever been in a situation whereby you cannot see the wood for the trees? and the more anxious you become the foggier the decision making process becomes? I know in the past when I am designing and being creative, I have an initial idea, I put it to oneside because my “mind” begins to tell me this isnt good enough, try something else, and my mind churns out more and more, I get more confused. Then standing back I look over all the drawings, and most times go back to the initial thought. Our intuitive process I believe comes from the soul, then our minds, our intellect kicks in and starts questioning, DONT LISTEN, dont let it take control, it can just lead you into a maze, going around and around.
Well I am off now to make a nice milky bowl of steaming coffee, decided I was thirsty, just like the bowl below, or is it ?……………….. by Ronit Baranga click here
Our daily bread, made with love
July 19, 2010
Yesterday my dear friend Rosalind wrote an article on her blog EARTHS IMAGINATION, called Musings on a sustainable life (very interesting posts, have a read everyone).
Among her musings she talked about Bread, and the current state of the nations daily loaf………… I have a love hate relationship with bread, once it used to blow me up like a balloon, with a feeling like I had a brick in my stomach, that changed with seeing Katherine Boulderstone and her unique technique for aligning energies to wheat. Also it seems my body doesn’t function well on carbohydrates, so over the past 7 or 8 years my intake of bread and rice (not keen on pasta) has been very minimal.
However, there is nothing nicer than a piece of sour dough bread, my preferred choice HOXTON RYE, lightly toasted with ice-cold lurpak slabbed on top, I dream of this and now again make the choice to treat myself to this delicacy !! I am lucky enough to have a very creative Artisan Baker in Tunbridge Wells, FLOUR POWER CITY. I first came across Matt at Borough Market, many years back and not long after he opened a shop in TW, sadly it wasnt there long , don’t think TW was ready for it and it closed. However, all these years later, with and influx on new 30 somethings from London buying up Tunbridge Wells and the fact they dont mind spending upwards of three or four pounds for their daily bread , Matt has opened up his shop again. This time its flourishing, and so it should, his skills as a baker are excellent and ingredients all organic.
Why though can’t this kind of bread be available to everyone, for some the price is prohibitive, food has become elitist. I dont mind paying for good food and make this a priority, albeit that I eat out a lot to the time, however there is an excellent fishmongers opened across the road from my office that sells “wild” fish and once or twice a week I buy myself a seabass, wild bream, or a halibut steak. BUT what does annoy me is these so called “farm shops” that sell food that’s kind of “gift hamper” shit that’s hardly your requirements for daily living. My case in point was a huge shop that opened up, again just around the corner from my office. It said it was gong to be the biggest shop in a town centre that would have local vegetable, cheeses and all manner of foods. Excellent I thought, no supermarket shopping ever again. When it opened, its biggest counter sold chocolates !! hardly a staple, vegetables were minimal, and everything else was jars and packets of food you may give as gifts not REAL food, its cafe very lack lustre and empty, after 6 months it closed………… I am glad it did, although did have some feelings for the owners in that there hopes and dreams were dashed, but in reality they got it so totally wrong………………
More or less at the same time a young girl opened JULIET’S a wonderful eatery just down the road, with fresh inspiring salads, colourful, nutritious and oh so tasty, and she is doing really well, you can see her dream is being fulfilled, she undoubtedly prepares with LOVE and one can taste it!!!!
Oh well that’s enough from me today, off to the office now, creating space in the most wonderful of buildings in Leamington Spa, its going to be quite a challenge, but an excting one………..
Oh and Rosalind, Matt uses the flour from SHIPTON MILLS not too far from you I believe!!
King of the castle
June 24, 2010
I took this image some weeks ago of a friend of mine, he is on this thing about wabbits, even started a facebook group about them……….. I look a this now and that saying KING OF THE CASTLE springs to mind. Someone who has reached the pinnacl, above everyone, the boss, the leader……… Well I am a boss, I have been driven to succeed, it can be lonely up there and not sure if being the “king” of the castle was all that it was cracked up to be. Guess I thought to achieve financial success was going to be answer to my own feelings of insecurity, that if I had lots of money behind me I would safe. I can tell you now, feeling secure does not come by having tons of money in the bank, money can give you more freedom of choice but it cant fill that “black hole” that for some of us has been there since childhood. Abundance is a frame of mind, its about feeling there is alway enough, always enough to meet ones needs. With these thoughts life just flows, wherever one finds themselves, at the bottom of the hill or the top, its just as it should be.
on my way to work
June 11, 2010
How I love it when I walk to work, sometimes I am in a rush and drive down in my car, but when I make the effort to walk I always thoroughly enjoy it,
Today was especially nice, everywhere was fresh and green after the nights downpour, the birds were singing ( hear my video clip, i phone takes v clips portrait as default, why cant I turn it landscape? Oh well at least you can hear the birds singing)
Looking all around me, the greenness was overwhelmingly cheery, the elderflowers are just beginning to bloom, how I love that very distinctive flavour, it tastes green to me, that wonderfull, gooseberry sharpeness, elederflowr cordial so summery and a delightful drink with a handful of basil leaves, all chilled with ice cubes in a huge glass jug. Summer in a glass……..
The lime flowers too just beginning to unfurl and nesteled at the base of a fallen tree (leftover from the great storm of 1987) a small crop of wild alpine strawberries, some already beginning to form.
How wonderful it is to have this all around me, I am so fortunate to be able to walk amongst nature like this. I perhaps need to remind myself of this when I daydream of livng elswehere, why would I want to, the town is a stones throw away, the common just across the road, the flat large and spacious. Why do I think of moving? because I dont have a garden or or somewhere to sit out and have a coffee and read a book. Yes I can walk across to the common with a deckchair, but its not the same. I am decorating with the view of perhaps renting or selling later in the year, who knows If I will? Selling all my furniture, sorting through books and all my belongings so that I can feel freer, more streamline and start to find pieces that really mean something to me. Most of the items came from my business as in interior designer, things left over, etc etc. I want to create a space that lives and breathes me, simple, creative, functional, easy and comfortable, and above all a space where my creative outpourings can be displayed.
Its all in the detail, or is it?
May 28, 2010
These shoes are my pond life shoes, fit for a prince of frogs, the detail is so intricate its amazing, click on the image for a larger view
Details, details, been a strange couple of days, the full moons energy has sure created a little turmoil in my life
I have spent hours and hours detailing furniture and lighting layouts and then coming home and spending hours and hours putting together a newsletter I send out on the full moon. Editing articles to make sure they fit, sizing images, trying out different typefaces and layouts, which colour scheme, what words to say……………. then come the day of the full moon, first the newletter file became corrupted and couldn’t compress for sending, that made me late and i had to rush for the train to London to attend a meeting and slipt over, twisting my arm and and leg and bruising everywhere!!. The meeting was successful and long and then a trying evening resulting in a situation that seemed so out of proportion to the the actual circumstances. I have always felt it was necessary to say what is on your mind, good or bad, I know sometimes this has not served me fully. But bottling things up is not a good idea either, its best to be able to bring up what’s on ones mind before it gets all out of proportion and then forces itself out like an exorcet missile !!! I didnt “react” but it left me feeling a little sad.
Today I could go over all the details again and again, but NO, details have there place. For my work as an interior designer, attention to detail is what creates that “effortless” look and find this quite “effortless” after all these years, but in day to day to living, the detail just ties us in knots, what mattters is that we live in the present, find joy in the day, in the minute. Today has been like that, seeing the big white jug of “pinks” in my kitchen and breathing in their heady perfume, hearing my cat purr, seeing my “happiness” plant with a new leaf bud, feeling the sun on my face. A peaceful day and everything is just as it should be.
