THe Creative Self

Well, thats if you had it in the first place?  What did she lose, when did she lose it?   Seems to me she has actually found something or is beginning to find, her true self.    Ruby Wax, a lady who back in the day was an all singing all dancing, full on confrontational interviewer of the rich and famous.

I have just watched her performance at the Chocolate Factory (http://www.menierchocolatefactory.com/ruby_wax_losing_it)  She still portrays that full on human dynamo,  her quick wit to the fore as she charts the effects of a crippling depression that took ahold of her at the peak of her success.  She admits this “depression” has been with her all her life and openly talks about her troubled childhood and how as a teenager not ever fitting into the mould of the blond and beautiful, tall with long “swishy” hair, she decided the only way to compete with them was to be FAMOUS.  How her strong will propelled her into stardom, and once that first hit of success coursed through her veins, how she wanted more and more, and the only way to fend of any glimpses of insecurities she kept “busy, busy, busy”. Envy and Anger consumed her and controlled her,  seems she could never stop, she ran so hard she totally ignored the signs of the downfall that was building up.  Then snap, it happened and instead of running she sunk into a crippling “depression” where all she wanted to do was stay in bed with thoughts of wanting to end it all.    Since that first “drop” into the abyss she has had several stays at the PRIORY, lucky for her I thought; each time gaining more understanding and inisght into the real Ruby beneath the mask, the Ruby who is rumoured to have Bi Polar but who when asked said no, she talks about being mentally ill?  she also talks of medication and how she believes she will be taking this permanantly for the rest of her life…………………..  and this is depression?

Is it possible that Ruby is actually describing a “personality disorder” a disorder that will be with her for life and that her delving into Mindfullness and John Kabat Zinn is helping her to find her centre and remain grounded and that the depression is a sympton of the disorder?

Is the stigma she openly talks about so severe that she cant associate with with the dirty word PD?  I take my hat off to her for trying to raise the stigma of mental health sufferers who she says 1 in 4 now suffer from, but the sector of our mental health system here in the UK that gets the worst deal of all  is personality disorder, for some they dont even get diagnosis at all because of the outmoded beliefs of   “professionals” who holds the  person as untreatable,   or they are  purposely given the diagnosis of Bi polar or some other “more accceptable” term,  so they can be medicated and seen to be helped but of course being medicated just dulls the senses, disconnects the person from their true feelings.  Feelings that would allow them, with help and the correct support, to understand and find ways of coping with them.

Seen as waste of space and a drain on the mental health system and treated with total disdain, many commit suicide. its inhumane and a disgrace that the professioanls one turns to for help actually does not believe a word you are saying.

She describes the “walking dead” if ever there was a descripton of PD then this is it, to me you cannot talk about mental health without talking openly about the dirty word PD.  Funny really, she talks about how in the past you couldnt talk about being gay, then the C word, cancer could never be spoken.  Its the same for PD ,  this is the big elephant in the room that she is totally ignoring, come on Ruby get real !!!