However today the snow bought with it an unexpected surprise, space, time to watch the stillness out of the window, that kind of dead sound that only snow can produce that seems to permeate everything and bring it to a standstill.  I love it and found time to phone a dear friend who I havent spoken to in along while.

Its been a strange week, everyday very full, putting a presentation together, meeting suppliers, finalising designs to place on order, getting organised for my buying trip to Amsterdam tomorrow.  The icing on this proverbial gateaux is full and thick but the cherry on the top just had to be when I pulled my left shoe from my bag and left the huge cumbersome boot and crutches behind me.

Sitting here this afternoon sipping my Paul D’arco tea, the taste of which I have now become accustomed to, I read about a tea atelier in New York called Bellocq. So I looked it up……….  such wonderful names and blends take a look here  http://www.bellocq.com/

To think I was a teenager in this era, what messages did I receive into my uncouncious mind?  Actually my mother  was a great role model for me, she would not be subordinate to anyone, worked hard and was financially independant  with a strong work ethic…….. until she met husband no.2 and produced my little brother

This is probably why I have run my own business  for last 20 years and left a marriage that was not  at all “balanced”……..  dont think I dont believe in marriage, because I do, I just haven’t seen any marriages that convince me its the right thing.

I look at these images with shock actually,  and can see why it resulted  in such a backlash, burning bras and the like.  Think because I did not  grow up in the archetypal image of a household where dad was respected and mum stayed at home, I couldnt see what all the fuss was about,  always felt it went to the extreme, but this is how the pendulum of change swings, the the extremes before settling back down.

But has sexism gone?, NO! we all know that, its just in a different format, its gone underground !!    still alive but not so blatant !!

images courtesy of  Vintage Ad Sexism | Retronaut.

Completely enthralled by the concept of the Victorian practice of the “invisible mother”  I realise it was set up this way so that the babies and children were able to be supported through the long exposure times.  HOwever I couldn’t help thinking of the mother, it’s just bizarre to be there so obviously, but “hidden” under a cloth.  What is this saying about how the photographer, most likely male, is seeing the role of a woman in Victorian society?  Seems like it didn’t count for much…………….

The Invisible Mother | Retronaut.

Am I busy? is it a frame of mind?  yes I have a lot on that has to be said, but I am noticing that when I keep thinking and saying I am so busy how am I going to fit everything in, then the feeling of never having enough time seems to permeate my day.  Neve feel  I am making headway.  So now I am beginning to realise i need to replace this view, its not serving me at all!!  ”There is enough time”, just holding this thought I notice a different vibrational quality, this is going to become my new mantra.

So today I am up at 4.30, have done my meditation, written my morning pages, which is a must and so helpful to me to empty my thoughts and write it out so to speak.  Its now 7, still pitch black outside, going to make breakfast, grated apple, desert spoon each of jumbo oats,  sunflower, flax and pump seeds and then when all stirred into the wet shards of apple I put a dollop of Rachel’s greek style natural yog on top.  Sometimes in my homemade yoghurt, but not this morning.

then it will be off to the office, have to finish of an apartment design, continue with a presentation for Feb 1, continue ongoing work on 7 other projects, keep calm and meet a supplier and keep telling myself “there is enough time”  Its full on no doubt but if I take my day in my stride, hold a knowingness that each day unfolds in precisely the correct fashion, what gets done today  is what is meant, and for each day as it unfolds…………..

Today’s image is a mandala I sketched out in a state of ecstasy and purest joy, after dancing five rhythms for 90 mins I was on such a high, I am going to link this image with my Mantra, so everytime I say “there is enough time” I can call up this feeling too………

For those who know me, I love walking in nature, especially by the sea.  I can think of nothing better to walk along the beach or sit and meditate as the sun rises slowly above the horizon.  Similarly bathing in the glow of a coral sunset is something I can only dream of at the moment.

Its strange how the time with my foot seems to be dragging along, counting the days appears to be making it stretch further into the distance but in my interior design practice always working and planning ahead time seems to fly !  Yesterday we worked out our plan of current projects for the year and beyond, from now until July haven’t time to breath an inch, in July a small gap fit in a holiday and then its all go again until end of feb 2013 and more coming up for air again.

What have I learned in these weeks as they pass, guess its how I don’t allow enough time for myself.  Always thinking of my responsibilities to others and always putting my needs in the background.  Guess that comes from having my ruling planet as Saturn with qualities of discipline and responsibillity  I also realise that if I am to get space to fulfil my needs then I do have to share my knowledge, teach others, inspire them to bring out their talents and let my company expand again.  I never wanted a large company, and back a few years ago it was much bigger than it is now, but with all the work coming in like a tsunami wave the need here is to grow to enable everything to function.

My Sun is Capricorn and my birthday is actually tomorrow, just begun to see a link, the goat is surefooted, climbing the mountain to the top !!  it’s a sea goat too, hence my connection with walking by the sea!   I broke my foot, my sure footed one? , why?  Will have to meditate on this one………………

In film its different, it is for me anyway, It is what “I see” that uplifts me, the visual narrative that elevates me, wide  breathtaking panoramas, to the tiniest costume or set detail, a riot of colour,    all combined with the magic of music and I am transported to dizzy pulsating heights or plunged into the deep recesses of my soul.  Who knows why this is my experience? Was it because my mother, an avid cinemagoer all her life, took me to see Walt Disney’s `’Fantasia” as a very small child, was it the memories of  the beautiful spring sprite, butterflies woven into her long hair as she magically swoops and glides around the snowy forest bringing tress to life, birthing magnificent blossoms and the loving closeness she shared with the elk, all set to the sound of Stravinsky’s Firebird, or the dance of the inscrutable red capped mushroom, or the delightful images of the Pegasus’ family flying through the sky…………  No words, just moving images, colour, expression and the emotive notes of the music, these images and the emotions evoked all those years ago have never left me

Perhaps this is why I am interior designer?  I see with colour, hear with colour and texture, scale and proportion, this is my narrative and I design in my studio to music!  The music lifts everything to another dimension, its as if the chords in the music, major or minor talks to something deep within me, instills within a far deeper movement, moving me to the extreme polarities of Joy and sadness.

Strange how the silent movie is making a presence again? Hugo and the The Artist recontextualised for this modern age, utilising new technology is the silent movie set to become a new genre for the 21^st Century?   Guess its not that strange really when you think about it.  With the constant bombardment of noise in our lives, the ever increasing amount of sound bytes thrown at us from all directions and of course our growing addiction to obtaining knowledge through the internet, social media and the like, the ease of acquiring knowledge fills our heads with so much “stuff”, especially now that a lot of the words we hear and read are fear driven, there comes a point when something needs to change, we perhaps are drawn to something that touches us in a different way.  All of this combined with the growing “separation” that is slowly creeping in, the disconnection from our inner world with the community seems to breeding a new generation that doesn’t really need to leave their homes or interact in any meaningful way, we can now work remotely, shop remotely, make friendships remotely and even have sex remotely………….. Its very heartening to read that the two “almost” silent movies have been runaway successes.

Viewing a movie without “spoken word” is going to enlist a lot more from the viewer, a closer connection to the film itself.  Our intuitive processes will be ignited into action, and instead of the screenwriters words engaging our brains and thinking mind into his own personal views, the images and sound will be working on a deeper level, our hearts will be engaging, interpreting what we see and hear creating a completely different experience from the cinema we have grown accustomed to in this modern age.  We can sit back and have a new experience, although for me this has always been my experience, pure visual excitement.

The following clip from Fantasia never ceases to move me, the music is Stravinsky’s Firebird.  As I have reached more mature years I can see the symbology in this piece and now more than ever we need a “death” in the world to bring about change, our planet is suffering through our own hands, the firebird is here already…………  however this is another story for another day.  Please enjoy the clip, it is 9mins long but so beautiful in every way

With the last two weeks sitting around with my foot up ideas pop up and I record them, either stored in the mental filing cupboard or links and images put in the relevant files on my laptop, its never ending.  So today instead of sitting in the window watching the world go by, I will use my crutches to get to the office and start organising our very hectic schedule for the coming months, first thing is to search for a new employee. Anyone out there with a good sense of spatial awareness, colour sense, good computer skills and above all can take on respsonsibillity with confidence and a will to succeed, please contact me.

Up early, first day back at work for two weeks.  Since moving my offices I now only have about 100yds to get to work, what a blessing,  not being able to drive my car at least until Feb 4th! its a godsend.  Beside my home is a mews where the stables, blacksmith, and gardner’s cottage are located.  These were there uses back in the 1800′s but now the gardner’s cottage is my office and design studio, the blacksmiths is now my own personal art studio and the area where there would have been greenhouses along the kitchen garden wall is now where I sit and have coffee when I need to take a break from the hectic schedule.  It faces south and even in winter there are still days when the sky is blue and there are no clouds for the sun to hide behind,  that I can sit out there, wrapped in scarves and gloves and hold a steaming hot cup of coffee and feel  the sun warming my face……………..  just what is needed to calm the soul.

Being a designer can be very hectic in the “head” so much goes on in there !! and at times it never stops, the office day finishes around 6pm but my designing head never stops, always absorbing ideas, gaining inspiration from the world around me.   I love getting up around 6am and just sitting there in the peace and stillness of the morning and watching the sun rise, although on these winter mornings it takes a long while for the sun to come up, today around 7.30. Meditation, writing my “morning pages” is a must, its how I achieve “internal space” for each new day to unfold in.

It is so exciting to have so many wonderful projects to be working on and I feel such gratitude to have  abundance in this difficult climate.

“There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right and pray for the ones who don’t. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living.”

What to do next?  yesterday played with photoshop, today I thought I would have a go at embroidering myself something, a small purse for my special things, tomorrow, well that’s another day !!

Hello to all who follow my ramblings, I would like to say thank you and also wish you good things in your life during this new year, a momentous one I suspect.

For me I want to live in abundance in all things, in life, in love, in spirit, in creativity, in health, in grace, in courage and above all in my wildness.  The latter is so important to us all, for with this we can reach our true potential. My wildness can cause sparks to fly, to love with immense passion, it can steer me of course sometimes with hard lessons learnt but it has enabled me to find my true instinctual and intuitive self and believe in her!

I love these words by Clarissa Pinkola Estes,  they just might inspire you, I hope so………………….

The way to maintain one’s connection
to the wild
is to ask yourself
what is it that you want.

One of the most important discriminations
we can make in this matter
is the difference between things that beckon to us
and things that call from our souls.

We choose a thing because
it just happened to be beneath
our noses at that moment in time.
It is not necessarily what we want,
but it is interesting,
and the longer we gaze at it,
the more compelling it becomes.

When we are connected
to the instinctual self,
to the soul of the feminine
which is natural and wild,
then instead of looking over
whatever happens to be on display,
we say to ourselves,

“What am I hungry for?”
Without looking at anything outwardly,
we venture inward and ask,
“What do I long for?
What do I wish for now?
What do I crave?
What do I desire?
For what do I yearn?”

It takes spirit,
will,
and soulfulness
and it often means……….
holding out for what one wants.