a clean sheet, not quite yet

the excitement is building, not long now until the brand spanking new year……..  I so love this time, a time to start again,its like writing on the   first new page of an excercise book when I was at school.  Pristine clean, new pen dipped in just the right amount of ink and writing the first word, such a wonderful feeling.  I have started writing about all the things I want to do, visit, see, experience, create……………    Cant wait, feel so full of optimism……….  just off for another visit to the sea, even though misty I just have to see it, its become a real friend.

this image started life in my bread bin !!, I don’t buy bread in general, but now and again I fancy some nice dark rye pumpernickel, which is fairly moist.  Well I must have forgotten about it totally and when I looked in there at the “zip up” plastic bag in comes in all I could see was what looked like a clump of yellow felt.  It was a mould of some sort, white and yellow, not the usual grey green colour, when I looked it up it was some kind of mould that penicillin is made off !  Just had to photograph this………..  I then layered at cut and pasted the image together to form a pattern………………….

another day at the beach

Feel so drawn to the sea at the moment, and yesterday it was so calm down at Normans Bay.   Seeing the waves lap gently on to the pebbles, almost like the water is swaying,  rocking, so comforting…………….  Just the the four of us, Kirsty, Yao and myself and dear sweet Pasha.   She had a sore foot from the icy weather so Kirsty ended up carrying her back to car.    We watched the skies as the sun slowly began to set, the apricot ribbon like wisps of cloud reflected in the pond like surface of the water.  Another day drawing to a close as we raced home to jacket potatoes, lashings of butter, a tasty ham, cold roast beef and a big bowl of salad…. yummy especially as it was washed down with  with  a glass of mulled wine.  Another day closing, and getting close to another year closing, so much has happened to sharpen my focus, and feel the urge to start writing it all down…………

The passing of another day, another life

Its been awhile since I posted, in fact it was in the early hours of December 8th.  the day a very close and dear freind, my ex husband died,  It was to be only a few hours before I received a call to say to get to the hospital straight away, his vital signs were dropping.   We were with him to the end.  The funeral was yesterday, such a beautiful service where my children and I paid tribute to him in the best way we knew how, and that was to reflect his big laugh, his ability to tell a wonderful story and his very engaging personality.

Although we had gone our separate ways some while ago, whatever it was that connected us all those years ago when I met him at 16, it was still there at the end, guess its true, that love never dies.  Living with Bruce was an amazing roller coaster ride, when the ups were up they flew into the cosmos, when they were down, it plummeted to amazing depths.  Life is more stable now but I am trying to remember all the good times of our earlier life together and the more recent times.  It was only a few short weeks ago we were sitting in the early winter sunshine sharing a coffee and a sandwich and chatting about old times, it bought a smile to both our faces and we laughed together.  Death is so final, it was such a shock and so quick that I am still coming to terms with it.

Watching this incredible sunset last night I realised how beautiful an ending can be, for in a few short hours the sun will rise again, Bruce will rise again on the next part of his journey, I like to think he is travelling back into the cosmos, his souls purpose  now over on this earth and he  will shine down on us, a beautiful star in the heavens

Rest in Peace dear Brucie

tangled thoughts

Not been a good week so far, my head is reeling with so many thoughts, they are all tangled together…………   work stuff, designing, grief,  deadlines, children, hospital, ex husband, sadness,  they are all in there pulsating and swirling around, my head feels like its going to explode.    Quiet my mind, sit with the thoughts and accept them……………. one by one just let them go, let them pass through and accept what is…………..  I am trying

This image I drew somewhile ago seems to conjour up this feeling.

Pencil sketch digitally layered