Losing it?

Well, thats if you had it in the first place?  What did she lose, when did she lose it?   Seems to me she has actually found something or is beginning to find, her true self.    Ruby Wax, a lady who back in the day was an all singing all dancing, full on confrontational interviewer of the rich and famous.

I have just watched her performance at the Chocolate Factory (http://www.menierchocolatefactory.com/ruby_wax_losing_it)  She still portrays that full on human dynamo,  her quick wit to the fore as she charts the effects of a crippling depression that took ahold of her at the peak of her success.  She admits this “depression” has been with her all her life and openly talks about her troubled childhood and how as a teenager not ever fitting into the mould of the blond and beautiful, tall with long “swishy” hair, she decided the only way to compete with them was to be FAMOUS.  How her strong will propelled her into stardom, and once that first hit of success coursed through her veins, how she wanted more and more, and the only way to fend of any glimpses of insecurities she kept “busy, busy, busy”. Envy and Anger consumed her and controlled her,  seems she could never stop, she ran so hard she totally ignored the signs of the downfall that was building up.  Then snap, it happened and instead of running she sunk into a crippling “depression” where all she wanted to do was stay in bed with thoughts of wanting to end it all.    Since that first “drop” into the abyss she has had several stays at the PRIORY, lucky for her I thought; each time gaining more understanding and inisght into the real Ruby beneath the mask, the Ruby who is rumoured to have Bi Polar but who when asked said no, she talks about being mentally ill?  she also talks of medication and how she believes she will be taking this permanantly for the rest of her life…………………..  and this is depression?

Is it possible that Ruby is actually describing a “personality disorder” a disorder that will be with her for life and that her delving into Mindfullness and John Kabat Zinn is helping her to find her centre and remain grounded and that the depression is a sympton of the disorder?

Is the stigma she openly talks about so severe that she cant associate with with the dirty word PD?  I take my hat off to her for trying to raise the stigma of mental health sufferers who she says 1 in 4 now suffer from, but the sector of our mental health system here in the UK that gets the worst deal of all  is personality disorder, for some they dont even get diagnosis at all because of the outmoded beliefs of   “professionals” who holds the  person as untreatable,   or they are  purposely given the diagnosis of Bi polar or some other “more accceptable” term,  so they can be medicated and seen to be helped but of course being medicated just dulls the senses, disconnects the person from their true feelings.  Feelings that would allow them, with help and the correct support, to understand and find ways of coping with them.

Seen as waste of space and a drain on the mental health system and treated with total disdain, many commit suicide. its inhumane and a disgrace that the professioanls one turns to for help actually does not believe a word you are saying.

She describes the “walking dead” if ever there was a descripton of PD then this is it, to me you cannot talk about mental health without talking openly about the dirty word PD.  Funny really, she talks about how in the past you couldnt talk about being gay, then the C word, cancer could never be spoken.  Its the same for PD ,  this is the big elephant in the room that she is totally ignoring, come on Ruby get real !!!

we must let go of the life we have planned


Control seemed a useful tool; it helped to make sure that ones expected plans, outcomes, would come into reality.  Well you might think, that’s a good thing isn’t it? Is it?  Lets think about this a little more.

If we use control, our will, to shape an expectation, to bring about a thought form and make it tangible, how do we know the form we are shaping is not coming   from our distorted vision of our world?   If we control our outcomes, grasping at a fixed vision then we become so blinkered we can miss little indicators on the way that may have lead us to something more meaningful and fulfilling from entering our world.  Forcing our will to create takes a massive amount of energy, it can be very draining and we end up struggling when we reach a negative force, we start to battle, it can become a war as we fight to achieve our goals.

With Blinkers on we don’t listen to the biggest gift of all, our intuitive nature, our connection to the universal energy that supports us in every way.  We all have an instinctual gift to share in our world, a souls purpose. Some of us know this clearly and have learnt to separate out and know the difference between, what we think this should be, often through expectation of others projected upon us and what we know to be our own true journey, a hero’s journey, full of joy and passion for life.  For some it’s not so clear, but know they are being pulled along by an invisible thread to something much greater than is known to them at this time.

Dream courageously, let go of the outcome, drop the will, the control accept “what is” and allow life to unfold every second, every minute, living fully in the present with an ear tuned into the intuitive side of our nature, our feminine attributes, allows us to follow our hearts, to flow gracefully in the river of life, no struggle, no battles, just a serene unfolding that can take us to the wonderful life that is waiting for us.

A smaller example of what I mean.  I had an idea in my mind that I would be breakfasting with a friend in the park this morning followed by a nice walk, but it didn’t work out.   This meant a big hole opened in my day, and out came some pastels.  I decided to create myself in image, not particularly for the finished article but the healing process that expressing from the heart can have upon our soul, my heart in particular is in question at the moment so I wanted to express the warmth and the life giving force a healthy heart can manifest in ones life. Just going with the flow allowed me to create this day, feels very good