Farewell and then what?

 

Busying myself today as always but today I guess  was somewhat different, usually I am in the zone, mind focused on the task, exploring without any peripheral thought patterns getting in the way.  Today’s experiment was making a whelk shell, why, cannot begin to tell you why, it just came to me, thought I would try to replicate the ridges by wrapping thin spaghetti type strings of extruded clay.  Just could not concentrate and my usual attention to detail was eroded by constant memories of the past.  Ok for a first attempt……..

What do you do when someone dies?    Said farewell to my stepfather on Friday, my brother’s eulogy summed up his life extremely well, beautiful words about quite a remarkable man.   Me, I said nothing, wished I had and had a real urge to stand up and say my farewells to the man I knew as a young girl when he met my mum and married her………  then thought better of it, took a deep breath and remembered it was all so long ago…….  He went on to marry Ruth, they were together for 30 years when  Peter departed this world, a really lovely lady who is going to miss him so much.  I remember my mum dying so suddenly nearly 25 years ago now, think I became a workaholic to numb the pain of that very sudden and tragic loss…..  and as time has marched past more and more have left this world , loved ones, friends and contemporaries.

Then the lingering thought that the long queue of ageing relatives that at one time were in front of me has all of a sudden become very short!  I don’t want to “not think about it”  I don’t want to live as if it’s not going to happen to me………….  I want to accept it and not be scared of it and leave that fear with my children to deal with……..  I want to both live and die with grace.

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Creating my own beach treasures

pebbles, sea glass, wishing stones, creating my own beach !  want to string lots of pebbles into a nice long necklace.  Wow so heavy and difficult to drill holes, so I made my own !  Translucent clay, soot embossing  powder, alcohols inks and practice !  very pleased with the results

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In the zone

Up and in the zone, great feeling when nothing else enters the mind except for what is immediately in front of me.  Up to now I have been working with clay that is air dry, very  convenient and comes in all forms.  Recently I have a foray into the clay you bake in the oven, have resisted this as not from paper, but one has to try everything.  On the jewellery making front, I can see its endless  possibilities, but for me the endless kneading and rolling for the clay to become soft and the fact, that in the baking it can be a bit hit and miss and can easily discolour and take on a scorched look !

Tried various Faux ideas, turquoise, coral and pebbles have all been very successful, tried a different technique today, making canes.  I didn’t want some “neat and precise” flower design which many are, instead I made my own version of “delft ” a contemporary look ! in the same cobalt blue.  When I rolled out thin  slices the designs stretched and took on a whole different look which I pieced together over a bangle blank, in fact its one of the stainless steel circles chefs use to force their food into neat circles, worked a treat.  Ended with a nice “handmade” kind of look, which I quite like.

Then I tried a black and white geometric affect, again rolled out to give different sized triangles.  Again very patchwork and handmade looking.  Need to talk to other people who are working with this medium so anyone reading this get in touch or share your page with me……..

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keep on keeping on

Oh gosh, difficult times, so many people leaving the planet, nearest & dearest, all my heroes & contemporaries, this has certainly left me reeling and thinking of my own mortality………  at my age now, both my birth parents were gone, I have survived them by three years to date and I hope by many more !

What keeps me present and enjoy the moments as they unfold is my creativity.  At times its an area where I can relax, play with ideas, colours and textures.  At other times it can be like I am at the mercy of some outside force thats sucking me into a whirlwind of ideas and emotions that I want/need to express and then it becomes a rather exhausting affair because I cannot keep up with “force”.

This is how I keep on keeping on……..  the creative river flows and I jump in with both feet !!!

 

two dads

Carol and Peter in the 60s whereI have been very fortunate in my life to have had two dads……….  One who bought me into the world and found it difficult to cope in this this world, and one who picked up all the pieces and bought stabillity to my childhood when all around me was  in turmoil.

Both have passed on now, my father 25 years or so now and my stepfather passed away yesterday after many courageous years coping with cancer.   He was definitely strong in spirit and squeezed out every ounce of life in these past weeks.  Will miss you Peter, thanks for being a good Dad to me.

Picture taken on the south coast 1967