words, so many words

pen

208,560 words to be exact have tumbled from my memory and taken me on one hell of a journey over these past months.  I had hoped to have this book finished and two copies printed as gifts to my adult children but alas no, hopefully by end of January I shall have completed, then a final edit, photographs added and prepared to upload for the printing process, so possibly easter maybe.

I didn’t consider at the outset of putting pen to paper that my character and mental wellbeing would rise and plummet in real time along with the journey that started so long ago.  There were days I felt euphoric and the words flowed so fast and furious as I recalled the vitality of youth and those first tentative steps out into the wildness of the early 60’s and the birth of my two children.  At other times my energy has been totally sapped and felt as if  walking in treacle.  Days when I stared at the paper and just could not find the words to express the death of my mother, felt shut away in cotton wool and everything felt silent, distant and muffled like the deathly hush of fresh laid snow, just as it did in the experience I was trying to convey.  Memories are very powerful indeed, they can be recalled and relived with the same level intensity as when first encountered and many times this year has caught me totally of guard.

Above all, everything makes sense to me now, I can see clearly the cosmic forces at work and with Saturn my ruling planet he has certainly been a hard task master, teaching me lessons so punishingly hard to learn that they bought me to my knees on several occasions.  I learnt the hard way, some would say this is only the way, maybe it is?   Guess it couldn’t have been any other way, life is in the unfolding and it is to be embraced not resisted or feared, it is just as is should be.

 

 

 

 

It truly is a silent night

Everywhere is now silent, no passing cars, no neighbours partying, just a beautiful stillness and a feeling of satisfaction knowing that what I have prepared for christmas is perfect and what I didn’t manage is perfect also.  I sang Carol’s this evening, not quite like the one here, but just wonderful nonetheless.  Happy Christmas everyone.