Not working at the day job today so had time to relax, breakfast on the Pantiles then back for painting and trying out a new medium, new to me anyway. Gamblin’s cold wax, its a mix of pure refined Beeswax and Gamsol, odourless mineral spirits. Wonderful stuff and it makes the oil paint a thick butter consistency. Thought I would try painting the South American woman’s face I tried a couple of week or so back and this time I am much happier. It has colour, the paints rich texture makes wonderful marks, using long flats and egbert brushes I managed to make really nice painterly strokes, even painting alla prima I could still, with a light touch flick a different colour over the first layer and create wonderful colour mixes and movement to the strokes. Blending the colour to create a blurred outline is something I am always trying, this medium it just happened without really trying. I used Rosemary Ivory brushes, long flats in sizes 6,10 and 12
Friday a really sunny day and took myself of to Hastings and my usual ritual of brunch at the Jerwood Gallery. Sitting outside on the terrace looking out to sea, the sun streaming down felt relaxed and far away from work related issues. Great food, great view and of course the paintings which I always come away from feeling energised with all kinds of inspired thoughts and feelings
This time I came back with a fish, a fresh caught sole for my dinner, amazing price of £2, together with some asparagus, home made hollandaise, plenty of lemon, delicious !!
Here are some colours I especially like, one of the them by Duncan Grant, all have some association with the local area and all the colour combination will have been absorbed like a sponge and then squeezed out into my next project.
SELF DOUBT, oh how I know these words so well. Today I watched someone talk about their fears, their face showed so much pain and as the conversation went on this person crumbled before my eyes and all because that crippling self-doubt reared its ugly head. There are two schools of thought here, one to FIGHT against it, drive through it, beat it with your will and battle through triumphantly. this may work in the moment but long-term it never allows us to understand what is behind it and accept that sometimes we cannot change things. The other way is to sit with it, watch the feelings develop and at the point where is becomes too painful don’t run, don’t find away to run away from the feelings, feel what its like and let it take us to a place of darkness where those rich seams of gold exist, Its only allowing ourselves to really feel what is going on that we realise that perhaps there is nothing to fear after all?
I have learnt to manage these feelings in most areas and over the years my real sense of self-worth has escalated, but now and again those feeling of self-doubt still trips me up and about a month ago it reared up again big time. I was attending the opening launch of a project I completed back in the winter it took over 3 years to come to fruition and for my client it has been great success. I felt very proud of what my company had achieved. The night before I struggled with what to wear, struggled with the feeling of not wanting to be surrounded by people and somehow felt a fraud. Spent a sleepless night trying to think up all manner of reasons I could put forward for not attending. Even walking on Paddington station to catch the train to Bristol I was still in flight mode, but I smiled and chatted with other attendees and once I entered the building I managed to get through it, but I felt really uncomfortable, all because I had really strong feelings of not being good enough. I imagine nobody had any inkling of what was going though my head as they all complimented me on the designs, kissed me on the cheek and have me hugs. Think this has been the story of my life really, the real me for the most part had been hidden.
Do these feelings resonate? Is it something to do with creative people, are we extra sensitive?
A work in progress. Oils. Not sure what is drawing me along this journey of interesting faces but just letting it all unfold and see where it takes me. The first image is how it looks now, the second image is how it started its journey, almost two different images, it continually dies and then is reborn again into something new.
Oil onanvas panel 40 x 50 cms. As you can see at the moment this a very limited pallete, I am wondering how this will develop. Probably be week or two before I return, off to Vienna for a few days and my day job is full on !!
something said to me today paint something different, try something new. Well here it is, oils and gamblin solvent free gel medium. Bit sticky, had fun though, but dont think faces are my forte, I shall keep persevering though
Making marks on paper can be quite exhilarating, my natural marks are soft organic sweeps curving this way and that so have tried making more liner marks on one of my 3o minute doodles recently and really enjoyed the difference. I am loving the pastels and have been experimenting with the different sanded pastel papers, they do appear to hold the pastels well which allows for many layers to be applied. Have used the the 240 and the 800 grit, quite a marked difference and wasn’t keen on the roughest one at all, seemed to end up with definite stripe effect to the finished work I have been using Unison and Jackson’s hand-made soft pastels, to he honest I cannot really tell the difference as yet..