Roll on 20th !

I had such high hopes in May when I planted out nearly 40 containers wtih seed grown veg I had been nurturing since February.  Fist the wind was so strong and cold that it killed some, retarted and stunted growth of most.  However, most recovered and doing fairly well, but these past few weeks of gloom, damp and chilly weather is not exactly conducive to the abundant growth I was expecting !

Guess I cannot complain, I have had enough for my needs, plentiful salads, pea and fava shoots, courgettes, runner beans, tomatoes, chard, kale, sorrel, flat leaf parsley but I wanted to have enough to give to everyone I know, leave outside for others to sample, but alas no, not this year…………..  I am sure last year my harvest was greater with a lot less plants.

Roll on the 20th !  off to Greece again, cannot wait for some sunshine, swimming, walking and just chilling after what has been a very hectic work schedule.  It cannot come quick enough !!

Yesterday was great day, foraged blackberries and elderberries, hawthorn berries.  Making a balsamic type flavoured vinegars, and a tincture with the Hawthorns, these are now steeping in vodka and should be ready in a a couple of weeks.  A few drops a day keep the heart in balance, blood pressure and cholesterol levels down and a good overall tonic.

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Time

Where does time go??  its been so long since I have been in a space to “create” , well create in the way I have on this blog.  If I stop and reflect on these weeks gong past, I can find it kind of scary that not only have I stopped creating for my own pleasure, but that ” time “is running faster than ever and all the yesterdays just memories stored away somewhere for future use, or just forgotten or displaced by   some other more important scenario.

Time and living can only ever be in the moment, its right under our noses as each second unfolds, if we are authentic and conscious of these moments we can extract much pleasure in the unfolding.

Never look back or hanker for anything of the old even if at the time it seemed very good. There are far more wonderful things in the New so never be afraid or reluctant to leave all the old behind.

I have spent years trying to rid myself of memories, or at least ones that impinge on “self”  the ones that hold me back, bring me fear, justify my inability to carry out something creative and so on and so forth.    I used to think ” Time” was like a long thread reaching in the distance either side of me , one end tethered at  my birth  with images of the past pegged on like photographs in a dark room hanging up to dry, and the other end tethered at the point where life here on earth will be extingguished.  All the while edging along second by second, day by day, year by year until I reached the end.

Time,  seen as linear, brings up all kinds of fear, it  becomes such a precious commodity because it feels as if its length is finite.  and feelings its finite makes each moment locked in a memory that must never be forgotten.  This whole paradigm bring about a real lack mentality, like there is “never is enough” time,  so we either cram to much into our lives, run around like headless chickens to feel that we are not wasting “time”   or we live our lives from these stored up memories because we hold so much value to them and never really enjoy the living moment, totally fearing the future in case it is going for-shorten the time we have left; how sad.  think of time as the moment and hold onto the fact that time if you need to equate it, is circular, like a spiral, never ending…………..

Never look back or hanker for anything of times past,  even if  it seemed very good. There are far more wonderful things in the new moments as they unfold,  forget time and live each moment to the full

Just like right now, I am tapping away on my laptop, enjoying the suns rays shining down on my face, its warm, the birds are singing and I am enjoying my two new house guests………………..  what more could I possibly need right now !

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The trees are still talking to me

my creative journey continues, the forests of trees that hold such abundance.  Somethings calls me when I walk amongst the dancing leaves, the verdant lushness, their vitality and majestic power.

A dear friend posted this beautiful poem, I had forgotten just  how beautiful these words were, a poem I had ready many times a few years back, but had faded in the mists of time…………….

Sleeping in the Forest 

I thought the earth remembered me,
she took me back so tenderly,
arranging her dark skirts, her pockets
full of lichens and seeds.
I slept as never before, a stone on the river bed,
nothing between me and the white fire of the stars
but my thoughts, and they floated light as moths
among the branches of the perfect trees.
All night I heard the small kingdoms
breathing around me, the insects,
and the birds who do their work in the darkness.
All night I rose and fell, as if in water,
grappling with a luminous doom. By morning
I had vanished at least a dozen times
into something better.

space for a goddess

my its been a busy full on time lately…….. always so much to do, constant pressure to meet deadlines.

However yesterday I took myself of to the National Portrait Gallery to see all the amazing paintings of Lucian Freud.  All in my eyes were stunning, the huge overscale sized painting of Liegh Bowery was stunning, but nothing could prepare me for the view as I walked into the last gallery, the tall black doors standing sentinel, to the huge goddess like figure depicted on the wall.  The room was almost like a shrine to the mother goddess, her voluptuous folds of flesh, so generous, full and wondrous, her abundance flowing in all directions, she just left me in awe of her beauty…………….

 

marathon in many ways

camera out of juice and so is my i-phone.  But  I am sitting in this chair looking out the same window watching and clapping the many sweaty , gasping bodies  on the road below,  running the T Wells Half Marathon.  Good for them, but by the sounds of the grunting and groaning it doesnt sound like something that is pleasurable or enjoyable.   Apart from the feelings of joy when you actually step over the finish line.    I remember many years back standing along Birdcage walk waiting  for the arrival of my daughter, and remember feeling she looked so happy, carefeee and light…………….    My thoughts back then, were “one day” I would do it, however, over 20 years later and I still havent done it or even  had the feelings of being able to.  

the years have passed like  a “life” marathon, enduring and coping with the highs and lows life throws at us.  I could never have guessed what lay ahead of me all those years back, and of course it makes me wonder what is in store for me. I know that the next 20 months are going to be so full in many creative ways , an abundance of good things that feels so enriching.  my creativity has taken me on a journey that has been scary, terrifying even, but through this marathon of  lifes trials I have grown and stretched myself to cope with the new horizons ahead,  Just like the runners passing me at this moment, the sense of achievement when one surpasses the pain barrier is immense.

Working under pressure, why do I need deadlines

The deadline is getting close, the pressure is on , i have flowers coming out of my ears.  Why is it I do best under pressure? I have had months to get this project off the ground, all the ideas percolating around inside until I come up with something that just “feels right”.   With the deadline looming I am forced to make a decison and when I do I feel a mixture or elation and peace.  My body acts out what my heart is telling me, this is the one!!!!!!  this is it, a real sense of calm and wellbeing resides, the anxiety of getting it right subsides and off I go, it all seem quite effortless once I start.

I adore roses, so its no surprise that my hands have cut, crimped and glued many today!!  They look so fragile but at the same time so robust!!, there heady perfume and profuse flowering habits fill me with joy.  My favourite perfume which I wear all he time is Rose Absolue.  It is said the Cleopatra laid a thick carpet 2 feet thick of rose petals for a banquette given for Mark Anthony………..

I am also filling some perspex boxes with a swarm of butterflys, about 350 in all.  Then three large trees, one tree per perspex box.  Oh my get a move on CAROL……. no time to write blogs 🙂

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Todays abundance below

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Papercut Garden

paper flower 1flower picture 2flower picture 3I have spent all day cutting and crimping, folding and sticking ……… this is the result, a garden full of flowers in full bloom (well not quite yet).  I want to capture the fullness, the ripeness, the overflowing abundance, that special moment when a flower becomes perfection in everyway,   Have yet to complete the full range of flowers, but will continue making the shapes I have  made and pleased  with, then make them in a variety of sizes.  My aim is to fully cover two boards 1m square and place in an acrylic shadow boxes.  These are going to hang in an entrance hall of a project I am completing in August.  Will post completed images soon

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