beachstones, eggs and now what?

I started this year with the idea of attending to my sketchbook on a daily basis.  I already write regularly into a journal, have been writing for the past 5 years, not every day “come what may”  but  a nice steady rhythm of letting go of that which no longer serves me.  Thoughts which can swirl  obsessively around are now released onto paper and sometimes real pearls of wisdom are revealed to me.  So pencil in hand on January 1st I started, or should I say tried to start………  nothing came, on subsequent days I thought I would sketch first perhaps and then write, no, this didn’t work either.  So rather than stare at a blank page I thought I would only go there when it felt right, sadly that day has not revealed itself.  So today I thought I would look through past sketch books and see if there was anything that would inspire me.

Flicking through the pages I came across this sketch, and what struck me were the  egg shape leaves or fruits struck me in this piece…………  originally started as part of my tree series, so many of these, as well as other tree fruitage like dream buds…………  all very inspiring.

Seems to me like a natural progression, stones being the holders of our ancient earth, just like trees who bear witness to our changing centuries, eggs the beginnings of the miracle of life, death and rebirth cycle just as trees bring forth, shoots, leaves flower and fruits, the wheel keeps on turning.

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from beach stones to birds eggs

This last week has been one of  complete rest, enforced yes ! but nonetheless I think the creative exhaustion I experience at times had beaten me this time, went down with the virus everybody had been experiencing in the office (thought I had escaped as usual) and the universe demanded NO MORE…….  to be honest it kind of bought some perspective back into my life.  The big questions swirled around, came to prominence and as quickly as it arose, it melted away into the mist as I tossed and turned with a tortuous fever……….

One of the big questions is about retiring, finding the balance, pensions, where do I live out my last years……….  An old friend of mine he left these shores long ago for Australia is just off to Bali to spend his remaining years, what an adventure!  Do I want to keep working? yes 1, because of financial concerns but beginning to realise this is not so important and 2, just love designing interiors and cannot imagine not doing this, do I want to be full on creating personally?  need to find a balance.  Could I leave my children ? difficult,   round and round I go.  What has been a great help here is writing my memoirs, this is not being written with the aim of publication but it is about letting my children know where I came from, what I experienced and what moulded me into who I have become………..  Now it all seems like a story book, a modern-day fairy story travelling though  each tarot card, following the heroes journey and the all the wrong turnings and teachings on the way.  Started several weeks ago in an attempt to make sense of things. So many projects on the go at the moment, and now I have committed to another, in my old favourite “paper”, watch this space.

So you may think, where do the the beach stones come in, well I see these as real earth objects, very grounding.  I am always being told I am a very earthy person, and born at a time when the sun was getting ready to leave Capricorn, I have one foot firmly planted on the earth , hence drawn to adorn (my usually unadorned self) with artefacts from ancient rocks !  As fast as being drawn to them and feeling the weight of the world around my neck I wanted freedom.  As always the inner conflict of wanting stability but as soon as I have it I want to fly off, try something new, be light and totally free….. so came the need for some thing new, new beginnings, seeds, eggs, the birth of creation, and birds eggs seemed to hold that promise…………………  as always made of polymer clay, alcohol inks, enthusiasm, patience and practice.

 

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