Relaxing end to busy week

So busy this week, meetings, site visits, trying to resolve difficult issues, wallpaper gone missing, chandelier chains to short, data box to plug in bespoke desk that cost a bomb and has all technical bells and whistles, its not there, first told its under the carpet and is to be revealed, then told forgotten, very irksome.  All in a days work I guess, just deal with each issue as it arises and stay calm………

So today after a bit of “tending to my veg plant pots” I came in and had a go at making my all time favourites, old antique Coral and Turquoise,  Polymer clay for both, coral mixed into a reddish orange colour then after forming into shape, baked, cooled and  polished with wet and dry.  Then coated with Cranberry and espresso alcohol inks, buffed with a dremel kindly loaned to me by Lesley and the a layer of RENAISANCE wax and buffed again.

Turquoise I mixed the blue, then chopped up in small pieces and mixed black acrylic ink and charcoal embossing powder, scrunched the pieces up together and formed shapes.  Baked and polished as above.  Strung on red leather !   Oh and bracelets, well that was a much longer procedure !

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from beach stones to birds eggs

This last week has been one of  complete rest, enforced yes ! but nonetheless I think the creative exhaustion I experience at times had beaten me this time, went down with the virus everybody had been experiencing in the office (thought I had escaped as usual) and the universe demanded NO MORE…….  to be honest it kind of bought some perspective back into my life.  The big questions swirled around, came to prominence and as quickly as it arose, it melted away into the mist as I tossed and turned with a tortuous fever……….

One of the big questions is about retiring, finding the balance, pensions, where do I live out my last years……….  An old friend of mine he left these shores long ago for Australia is just off to Bali to spend his remaining years, what an adventure!  Do I want to keep working? yes 1, because of financial concerns but beginning to realise this is not so important and 2, just love designing interiors and cannot imagine not doing this, do I want to be full on creating personally?  need to find a balance.  Could I leave my children ? difficult,   round and round I go.  What has been a great help here is writing my memoirs, this is not being written with the aim of publication but it is about letting my children know where I came from, what I experienced and what moulded me into who I have become………..  Now it all seems like a story book, a modern-day fairy story travelling though  each tarot card, following the heroes journey and the all the wrong turnings and teachings on the way.  Started several weeks ago in an attempt to make sense of things. So many projects on the go at the moment, and now I have committed to another, in my old favourite “paper”, watch this space.

So you may think, where do the the beach stones come in, well I see these as real earth objects, very grounding.  I am always being told I am a very earthy person, and born at a time when the sun was getting ready to leave Capricorn, I have one foot firmly planted on the earth , hence drawn to adorn (my usually unadorned self) with artefacts from ancient rocks !  As fast as being drawn to them and feeling the weight of the world around my neck I wanted freedom.  As always the inner conflict of wanting stability but as soon as I have it I want to fly off, try something new, be light and totally free….. so came the need for some thing new, new beginnings, seeds, eggs, the birth of creation, and birds eggs seemed to hold that promise…………………  as always made of polymer clay, alcohol inks, enthusiasm, patience and practice.

 

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Farewell and then what?

 

Busying myself today as always but today I guess  was somewhat different, usually I am in the zone, mind focused on the task, exploring without any peripheral thought patterns getting in the way.  Today’s experiment was making a whelk shell, why, cannot begin to tell you why, it just came to me, thought I would try to replicate the ridges by wrapping thin spaghetti type strings of extruded clay.  Just could not concentrate and my usual attention to detail was eroded by constant memories of the past.  Ok for a first attempt……..

What do you do when someone dies?    Said farewell to my stepfather on Friday, my brother’s eulogy summed up his life extremely well, beautiful words about quite a remarkable man.   Me, I said nothing, wished I had and had a real urge to stand up and say my farewells to the man I knew as a young girl when he met my mum and married her………  then thought better of it, took a deep breath and remembered it was all so long ago…….  He went on to marry Ruth, they were together for 30 years when  Peter departed this world, a really lovely lady who is going to miss him so much.  I remember my mum dying so suddenly nearly 25 years ago now, think I became a workaholic to numb the pain of that very sudden and tragic loss…..  and as time has marched past more and more have left this world , loved ones, friends and contemporaries.

Then the lingering thought that the long queue of ageing relatives that at one time were in front of me has all of a sudden become very short!  I don’t want to “not think about it”  I don’t want to live as if it’s not going to happen to me………….  I want to accept it and not be scared of it and leave that fear with my children to deal with……..  I want to both live and die with grace.

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